So, I am sitting here at some restaurant on Hilliard St., waiting for the van to get fixed again. Rolling around Western North Carolina I must have picked up a nail. I tried to pull it out and patch it myself, but...no joy. To justify my inablility to fix this BS tire thing, I saw the gage of the nail was really big and thought that any plug I put in would be blown out by tire pressure at some point in the near future.
I walked around downtown a little then found a place that with chicken wings and other stuff to eat and good beer. The truth is, I have been stewing around in a self inflicted depression and frustration. I really want to be doing so many other things in my life than delivering shit to people whom I don't know and really don't care about.
I try to find meaning in delivering critical medical supplies to people. However, anyone could and can do it, I am doing nothing unique.
Yet I am sitting in this place and finding myslef fighting to stay depressed. One wonders why I could even thank that silly thought: fighting to stay depressed. It seems that I dwell on the negatives in my life; my lack of cognitive ability, my lousy memory. My powers of observation and search are woefully deficient. Decision making skills, what are they, I can't remeber? When I have a choice to make and little information, I invariably make the wrong one.
"Not all of your choices have been the best," said my father at his most diplomatic.
Actually, I had a really tough start to the day and I have had some difficulty shaking it all off. I had to find a box in the warehouse and could not. The box was there, I even looked at it, but could not see the information I needed. I ended up having to go back to the warehouse, thus the whole off and behind schedule. needless to say the morning went downhill from there.
I was able to shake the stink of failure off after a few hours, and had a fairly good afternoon, yet the cloud over my head would not disperse. Then I picked up a nail in one tire. This is not entirely true, the nail was in the tire for a couple of days and I chose to deal with it today.
I went to the store to get some patches and do the deed myself. Well, it turns out those things don't really work for a vehicle like mine. I got the stuff anyhow and proceeded to try and pull the nail. After five minutes of knuckle busting and cursing, I realzed that it was not gonna happen. So I admitted defeat and made my way to the shop where the dude had it all better in no time.
Once again defeat in the face of better discretion.
I have been stewing all day long and my feelings of frustration have been simmering along nicely. Yet the combination of music, beer and the world around me just would not let me stay in my molassas drenched morass. Despite my every effort, I am rising like little a feeble Phoenix in to a happy place.
The Runtyun worries about my drinking too much beer and the truth is there may be something to worry about if one looks at the dark past that hangs over my very being like the dark clouds of tragic thunderstorm threatening to blow all the good in my life away. Yet the two beers I enjoyed worked to relax me enough to find a smile without having to dig too deeply.
Now, I am on the way to get my Runtyun after choir with a glint in my eye trying to escape.
Damn, I had such a good stew cooking and it is ruined by happy thoughts!
olc
