Motivation-or the struggle to find it

     The other day I posted on FB, "I cannot even find motivation in my daughters eyes any more." There may have been some alcohol fuelling that statement, but I have found mind altering chemicals tend to augment, not create emotions.

     A good friend saw the post and expressed her concern. I told her that I was suffering from Diarrhea finger ... Just a bunch of shit flowing through my fingers onto the screen. She also suggested I might want to re-invent myself.

     Another friend suggested I spend more time writing. She said I might find my muse (not her words, but I took it that way).

     The best idea, and most undoable was to take a mini-vaca. Oh, that would be so nice, hop on The Grinner with only my camera and iPad...

     Well, the last one is most appealing because it encompasses the first two ideas and I get riding time! Unfortunately, the Grinner is broke down, and the daily grind will not allow me time to fix it.

     My friend Sheila, who is a writer/entertainer, had a great idea---write. All is takes is time and a little imagination. Well, I have the little imagination part down pat. Actually, I brought out an old story and restarted working it again, due to her suggestion. I plan on continuing it.

     About reinventing myself, you ask? I have tried that a few times and it never really works out well. Instead of evolving up, I seem to fall backward in the material world. Though my head, soul, or mind...whatever term you use to define ones' the essential being, has grown in very fulfilling ways.

     Fulfilling the material needs seems to get worse. The truth is, I have never really been finically solvent. But there was I time when I was able to pay all my debts and even have some left over for savings and A little fun.

     Nowadays, not so much.

     I just need to dig a little harder and find my muse---again.

olc

A rainy ride

Rain, rain, rain. It seems all we get is rain. We have had a beautiful fall, but whenever I get a chance to ride, it is raining. Grrr!

I took a chance today and ignored the weather maps and the drizzle falling out of the sky. The Grinner was waiting. She jumped at the touch of key and throttle.

I used the excuse of the need to get something from the local photo shop to do something besides work on Photoshop. Riding down Brevard Road feeling water hit my face, I tried to convince myself it was water blowing off the windshield. It worked until I saw cars coming at me with their wipers working over time.

The weather did not matter to me though, the bike was running and tires humming. My face was smiling and I could feel my shoulders loosen.

Riding the Parkway, I started to think about a story I have been working. Jason, one of the protagonists, is going to have a chapter all to himself. He needs to think about his motivation and the woman he is falling in love with. He may wonder about her and the bad guy they after, after all like most charismatic bad guys he is attractive and beguiling.

My musing had brought me to the  photo shop. These guys at Ball Photo and Supply (http://www.ballphotosupply.com/Rental.html) (This app does not allow me to embed links, I'll smooth it out when I get home on the desk top.) are a fantastic resource for beginner to Pro. Whenever I go there, I get so much more than what I bought. They ooze knowledge, and more importantly patience. More customers were coming in, so it was time for me to leave.

I stopped at another store. The cashier saw the Grinner and me and made the deduction the I was riding it. Smart girl. She said it was kind of a rough day to ride. I could not believe what she said. I replied, "It was a fine day to be out riding." She asked, "Really?" I winked at her.

More rain was coming down, so I tried to fashion my bandana as a mask to protect my sensitive face from the rain bullets falling from the sky. It worked except my glasses were getting fogged up with every breath.

My grin still did not fade, though. I thought through some more of Jason's chapter. Then I let my mind wonder a little and planned my next shoot. This one will be at home taking a picture of a photo negative of train track. I took the picture with the TX and want to transfer it to digital.

I have tried to do this once by using the monitor as a back light, but did not take into account the dots that are the display. They created matrix of black dots throughout the whole image. This time I will use a sheet of white paper as a filter.

Gotta and give it try!

olc

Sometimes I get on the Grinner and nothing really happens. I just don't get the thrill of riding. Yes, I feel the wind in my face, the power of Milwaukee Iron, even the flow of the road beneath my tires bringing me to nirvana…kinda. Yet the thrill, the energy just does not envelop me. I’ll feel refreshed, a little, yet not rejuvenated.

Yesterday was an example of this syndrome. I hopped on the bike and went to the places I wanted. However, I felt nothing extraordinary. It was more like a chore instead of a pleasure. The bike handled well, the roads were open enough for me to have a little fun, but I asked myself, “Why am I out here, what's the purpose of this ride?” I got home feeling better than when I had left, yet kinda unfulfilled. I felt like I had wasted a couple hours even though I had spent them riding. It was all good though—I got a really good night's sleep.

Today though, it was all paid up in full. The Runtyun was not feeling so well, but I asked her if she wanted to ride—to go anyhow. The couch was more important to her than riding on the back of the Grinner. I guess I can understand, she was sick with a sore throat and recovering from a night at the State Fair.

I went anyhow.

I had a plan too. There is a road I have been wondering about. I wanted to see where it was going to take me. Like so many avenues in life it went around and about taking me on a circuitous route back to the main road, yet going no place further than I started. I began to wonder if this ride was going to end the same was as yesterdays...satisfied yet unsatiated. 

I decided to stop at Dugan's Pub in Brevard and put some food in my gullet. Sometimes food will help to elevate my mood (something about low blood sugar levels). I left that place feeling the adventure ahead, and the road was my vehicle to an adrenaline rush.

To get home, I could go the straight forward  way which would take about 45 minutes, or I could go up the Blueridge Parkway and see what the foliage was like, not to mention I would take rt. 276 up there.

Now this access road to the Parkway, which is a dream for any one who has ever ridden a bike was in front of me, and waiting. It is about 5 or 6 miles long and when there are few cars on it the riding is FUN! 

It has been awhile since I have ridden my Sportster the way it was designed to go, but the waiting was over. on this ride she rode like a 14 years' midnight dream...fast and uncontrolled. It slipped into and out of curves and twits with the thrill of long awaited kisses.

The few four wheeled cages ahead of us slipped behind us like a hand caressing a discarded lovers behind. Cast away while looking for the next conquest.

I have ridden this road numerous times and have always enjoyed it…every single time. This time though may have been the best ever. Maybe it was the combination of the first time out, few cars and something I just cannot define...a feeling of unity with the bike…the road and maybe a feeling of satisfaction knowing I had finally gotten the bike going and roaring her satisfaction.

The bike slid into turns, and flew out. It pushed me back off the saddle leaving switchback turns, and pulled from the handle bars all the while breaking into the next. I was able to look around, a little, and enjoy the river and some waterfalls. Mostly though, I felt the wind in my face and saw the clouds and blue sky above…my destination.

As all things in life though, this part of the journey had to end. The entrance to the Parkway came alone a little sooner than I wanted. I knew it was inevitable though and accepted the end of this part of the journey. 

The Parkway is always beautiful even though I knew that the colors were not at peak. I really wanted to feel the flow of the nature and the road while enjoying whatever she had to offer. The open sky above and landscape below filled my eyes with beauty and grandeur only Mother Nature can create. The greens of the trees speckled with orange, yellow and the bright reds of maples filled part of my vision. While the deep blue sky and pure white cumulus clouds distracted me from the road ahead.

I quickly found it again though, the road that is, but cars began to slow me down. They were a mere flick of the throttle—away and gone. I began to let the excitement of the ride up here slip away. Above me was an eagle, or hawk, soaring. Another car slowed my progress, I pulled in the clutch and felt the momentum slide away. A tunnel ahead and the car and I flowed through it. 

A dropped gear and a flick of the wrist and the car was in my mirror…where it belonged. The Grinner knew where to go and I began to soar with the bird above.

Miles later, I came back to the Grinner, a grin on my face the likes of which rivaled the flaming sun. My friend, the hawk, had drifted away and I had to pay attention to the cars in front.

Bikes were going up up toward…Mount Pisgah I guess, and I wondered if they were going to the same magical place I had just been through.

olc

Aw Labor Day Weekend

Labor Day weekend was awesome! It started out with a laundry session and got better and better! Truly, this may sound weird, but it worked for me. Then I played around with some photos on the computer. Well, actually I tried to install and start using Lightroom. But I ran into some problems there, Not such a great thing, but it's OK. Then I went to a car show just down the road and got some really good pictures of a few cars.

Back home again, and a couple final touches on the Grinner. I wanted to use a jig to make sure the rear wheel was aligned properly. I did it withe a bent out of shape clothes hanger!  

And I wanted to have a look at some of the pics of the car show. I think with minimal work, there are some very good shots. One guy I talked with did his own pin-striping. I have one of his T-bird insignia with the pin-striping above it. Nice!

(A little later)

Yeah, there are some nice shots, I just worked on some of them. Have a look and check out my other shots at: http://thewonderinglenzofolc.blogspot.com

In my mind, I had planned on doing something with the Runtyun, but she had other plans, So I was free again tonight! The Grinner was sitting around looking lonely. Well, I just could not have that.

The Grinner and I skidded out of the gravel driveway soon after. I have tried to explain in many posts the thrill of riding, but they are merely words and words don't translate well into visceral emotions. In time and with more experience, I hope to do better.

When riding, I always look around at everything and see the expressions of other riders. A lot of the time their faces are hidden behind helmets so no one can see their emotions. However, many riders like to feel the wind, and eat bugs too. I see a lot of grimacing faces, yet I know that these people would not be riding if they were not getting some kind of fulfillment from it. Perhaps they are just experiencing the sour taste of the latest insect that got caught in their teeth!

During this ride, I could have ingested a whole swarm of angry Killer Honey Bees and the biggest grin I held would not have left my face. It has been a long road the Grinner and I have been down, to get to this point. The bike itself is in pretty good shape. It is just the accessories like tires and turning signals that have been causing bumps in the road.

The Grinner is an older bike and I am finally getting comfortable with it, but as with any custom anything, it is a work in progress. It is rolling now though. And the feel of power and control I get totally overruns the feeling of personal control lacking in my everyday life.

Riding out to Lake Lure on the back roads of Arden, Fletcher and Hendersonville may not sound like the most inspiring of rides. Yet, the familiarity of those roads makes them more fun to me. I know the course, when to slow for a sharp corner, how much to push for speed and when to just enjoy what is ahead. 

The pent up frustrations of life and work washed off my back in mere moments of starting the engine and feeling the bikes’ vibration and power. Even using the turning signal was a joy! The frustrations involved in getting the bike to working order took a moment longer, yet they washed away and flew into the wind like a huge wasp bouncing off the faceplate of a full helmet.

I stayed around The Tiki bar for a minute and then went to another place, the Straightaway Cafe, which is down the road a minute. The band, The Mutt, (I am still working on my skills with Photoshop, for pleas forgive the graininess of this image.)

was so good and animated the seat I was sitting on was dancing.

I had the company of a very nice lady to enjoy this moment with. Finally, I headed home exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. I slept the sleep of a contented man, finally getting out of bed 2 hours later than usual, so well rested I felt that sleep would not be necessary for a very long time.

After getting up and having a cup, I started working some of the pictures from the day before. There are a few that are pretty nice. Go have a look at my photo blog: http://thewonderinglenzofolc.blogspot.com I'm working on more images all the time, so please have a look. More importantly, if you have any comments, even if they are merely comments in your brain, leave them on my site!

This past weekend has ended, but the memories and people I enjoyed, will last a long time.

olc

Yesterday was a gorgeous day. It started put sunny and ended starry. The air was crisp and clear. The kid had a thing with her choir at some early hour, so I dragged her out of bed. After dropping her off, I walked around downtown and maybe got a few good pics.

I was able to get the bike started and ride a little a little later in the day. Then I went home and wrote a little more on the profile on yourcaring.com. Finally I have completed it and can restart our moving campaign, Yeah!  

The Runtyun got home and we had some supper. I was moved to mount the Grinner, camera in hand, and take some pictures. The Blue Ridge Parkway is a great place to ride. I know it well enough so I don't have to worry about the technical side of the ride, so I can let my eyes roam a little and really enjoy and unwind.

Having been lucky, I pulled up about 45 minutes before sunset. I finally found the turnout that has a wonderful view. Sometimes fate works in my favor.

I pulled my camera gear out and started to take a few shots of the bike. In the back ground was Looking Glass Mountain. The sky was had some clouds which are pretty incredible. I'll post something soon at From the Wondering Lenz of OLC, in the next day or so.

About this time a beat up old pick-up pulls in and parks on the other side of the area. Being the paranoid that I am, I kept it in my peripheral view, but thought nothing more about it. After a bit a lady and child got out of the pick-up. The kid was young, maybe 8 and the lady, his mother, I assume, was short and attractive. 

I only noticed these things because they where the only moving things in the area. They meandered in my direction and we talked a little. She spun a story about camping and being wary of bears. We talked more, then she finally dropped the Boyfriend bomb. I don't think I was being suggestive in our conversation. Actually, I was trying to pull away trying to get good pictures of the world.

She said she was not sure what she was going to do, so I made a few suggestions on where to stay for the night. During our talk I made no overt, or subvert attempt to coerce her. Yet, again she found it necessary to tell me that she had talked with her BF. I squelched the urge to tell her that by saying these things about her BF, she was making herself more vulnerable to people with less scruples than me.

She kept trying to go, but then coming back and asking questions. I began to wonder what was going on with her. I built a story of a woman who was trying to escape from something. I tried to come across as safe and trust worthy. I even gave her my card and told her to contact me for some pictures if she wanted.

Finally, she got into her pick-up and started to go. But when she got to the road, she just at there for a long time. It seemed like she was trying to decide something. She must have made up her mind because she finally drove off.

Guess I didn't make the cut.

Yet, I wondered what was really going on in her life. I feel it must have been something pretty profound to put her out in the middle of no place contemplating throwing in with the likes of me. I feel that she was reaching out to me, but I was unable to make the connection.

I went on and played around with the camera and got some interesting shots of the moon. While I was taking those pics, some guy pulled into the pullout and talked my ear off about shooting the moon. He had several portfolios of his work. It seemed he showed them all to me.

Actually, they were interesting in their own way. It seems he uses an inexpensive Point and Shoot camera. But his technique was what was most interesting to me: He would shoot the camera at the view finer of a telescope and take his picture. 

His images came out amazingly well!

Finally, it was time to go, yet, I could not get that woman and her child off my mind off. I guess I was wondering what was really going with her. Yeah I know, there is a little stalker in me.

I tried to put myself into her place to figure out where she would have gone. I considered her alternatives. Finally, I it put all aside side and just rode the Parkway home. After all, it really was not any of my business. If she really wanted me to help her out she would have asked, right?

The ride home was totally uneventful, kinda like a dream where nothing happens, but when you wake up there is a smile lingering. The sky was darkening to the deep purple of night, yet no stars were out. The bike flowed through the curves smoothly. Though I felt a little concern for the woman and her child, I understood there was nothing I could for them. That feeling of inability lingered.

Finally, I made it home to the loving embrace of The Runtyun. I woke up a couple of times in the middle of the night a little curious about the fate of my short-lived friend and her child, but I quickly fell back to the slumber I so needed.

That is it for now. Let me know what you think. Should I have been more forward in my concerns with her? Should I have even talked to her in the first place?

Let's have a discussion.

OLC

A LITTLE LATER WITH SOME PERSPECTIVE

A friend and I talked the other day. She was having troubles with her car and her former BF and needed to vent. I have always liked her and wondered what it would be like to spend a minute with her. But mostly, I just wanted to help her through a shitty moment.

I listened to what she had to say and sympathized. I tried to ease her down the road to Recovery(?), because that was the roll she needed me to play. After a time she invited me to her birthday celebration. Knowing it was a good ride away and might cause some family strife, I said sure and we would iron out the details when we got to Blue Ridge, GA. The Runtyun and I packed up the bike and set out for the 3 hour trek.

The Grinner, this is what I call my Motorcycle for those who do not know already, only gets 80 to 90 miles on a tank of gas. This translates to about 33mpg. The truth is this works out pretty well for this old guy. About the time the bike runs out of gas, I need to walk around to Un-kink my weary old back.

Our first stop, though not for gas, was at Smokey Mountain Steel Horse. The Grinner needs new plugs and the shop is right off the highway. They are an independent shop now selling new Indians and Victory Bikes. To my knowledge, they are the only dealer that does that in the region. I wish them luck. 

Having said that, their parts department could use a little work. It took them 20 minutes to figure out what spark plug The Grinner needed and then they even gave me the wrong ones, a miss matched set. I had planned on putting the new plugs in after we had gotten to Jennifer's. No such luck.

The rest of the ride was OK though almost all highway miles. The Runtyun never complained, however she let me know when she needed to get off and stretch out. It is rather tiring to ride for a long distance. For those who have not had the opportunity to do it you would be surprised. Even the kid said something like, "Who would have thought it could be so tiring?"

Needless to say, the final ride up to the place was on a newly pebbled road that was (How do I relate) FUN to ride. Can you say gravelly and not very well travelled?Finally, we arrived at the house for the stay-over and walked into a house of tension. 

There were dogs to defuse antipathy and kids for the Runtyun to be with. My friend still has this smile and twinkle in her eye that lights up a room, so I enjoyed the moment for seeing a friend.

We talked about nothing in particular and ate BBQ for supper, then watched some TV, the kids wallowed in the hot-tub. One of them, who was 7 years old seemed to live for time in the hot tube. The girl was 10, and the sweetest thing.

My friend and I talked a little, it seemed like superficial topics, but nothing important. As the evening moved along I began to feel a little abandoned. Every time I looked at my friend, she was looking somewhere else. I wondered at one point if she understood what it took for me to get over to her so she could have a friend nearby.

Finally, my friend said she was going to bed, and I took that lead and announced my intention to do the same. I dragged the Runtyun to our assigned room. And tried to sleep. It is a little difficult to sleep when channel surfing. Finally, I turned the off the TV and rolled over, almost falling off the skinny twin bed.

The next morning finally dawned, and I rolled out of bed, on purpose this time.

I enjoyed the incredible view the porch offered, regretting the screening making decent pictures impossible. Yet looking out over the woods leading to Blue Ridge Lake, the clouds were white and gray and broken by mountain tops. As the sun rose it moved along warming the day so the morning ground covering mist undulated revealing glimpses of mountain forests and wisps of the lake…

"Neil, Would you mind going to the store and getting some eggs for our pancakes?" Actually, I wanted to get some writing in.

She saw my hesitation and misunderstanding my pause and said I could take her car. I said, “What can I get for ya'?"

I got the bike started and rolled down the dirt-gravel road and started out on this part of the adventure. The Grinner fishtailed and spluttered with the old plugs all the way up the rain drenched road. I got the groceries and turned around to the cabin stewing in my brain.

A little bit into this part of the journey, I started to think about my friend in the cabin and how she always seems to find the bright side of everything. I knew I had to get out of this dark place I found myself in.

I let the engine of the Grinner fill me and relax my shoulders a little. The engine, seemingly of it own will growled a little lower and louder, the tires rolled a little faster. The curves got a little steeper and a slight grin spread across my frowning maw.

The turn to the dirt road came too soon for me, but the Grinner turned obediently in and we started up the gravely road. It seemed to me the Grinner felt the same about the road as I did, because it groaned and moaned all the way up. It spluttered and choked and began to fowl. I had to rev a little to clear its throat, again that smile as the thunder filled the air around us.

Bacon, pancakes and sausage where on the table in no time. Maple syrup and fake butter filled our tummy's. When we sated our hunger, I pulled and gapped the Grinners plug's. After cleaning them, they went back in and she fired up! She sounded throaty and powerful and ready to leave this beautiful place.

About that time Humphrey needed to go out and do his thing. He is the Boston Terrier of the animal menagerie and the coolest of the lot. Across the road, incredibly enough, were two other Boston Terriers. Who could imagine that! Well, the three guys had to show each other who was who. I am not sure who won that confrontation. All I got out of it was a lot of growling, screeching and running black and white little beasties. Again a little smile slipped across my face.

I spent a minute packing the bike and said our good byes. The bike merely needed me to pay a little attention to it, because she started up and grumbled and roared her happy relief to be rolling again. I wish people could be so easily gratified. We said our goodbyes and put it all behind us.

The ride back was more of the same, long roads at highway speeds. We found ourselves in the Nantahala Gorge and a little hungry. No luck there though, so we rode on down to Bryson City and a pizza place. The Runtyun said she was not really hungry, so I had an antipasto salad and water. I changed my mind though and ordered a Peach Sangria. 

The salad was OK, but the Sangria finally nudged me into my happy place. Nothing had really changed, but I found my smile. I had my kid, the bike was running well, the sky was blue and I was able to put all of my concerns aside and focus on the road ahead. 

It never ceases to amaze me the ability of a ride to clear one's head of all the Bullshit we let fill it. I felt the wind and heard the engine. My little girl was holding on and trusting her father to take care of her. I felt good about life.

Nothing much else happened for the rest of the ride except the Grinner amazed me and went nearly 100 miles on the last tank. We went to reserve  at some point and I wondered if we could make it home.

We did make it! I have to say, I was relieved. After filling the tank with 3.25 gallons of gas, (its capacity is 3.3 gallons) I realized there were merely ounces left in the tank. She held out for us in that run to home.

So that was our adventure of the Labor Day weekend. I hope every one else had one that was as full as ours.

olc